*Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert, this is not 'expert medical advice'. This is just from my own personal experience, having suffered from depression several years ago.
I don't know why lately many people I know are feeling 'down' or even 'depressed'. Having suffered from a serious depression about 5 years ago, I am trying to recall how I managed to get out of it. I decided to blog about this because of recent blogs that I have read, where the bloggers were also going through depression. I don't know if this will help but these are some of the things that helped me. Much of this might sound like recycled goo that people have been telling you anyways, but I am not just paying lip service here - these things really helped me recover.
1) Learn to live with yourself. Seriously, you are the only one who can really help yourself get through this and when you are feeling depressed you might turn defensive when other people don't 'get' why you are down. You aren't a bad person - and try to see if it's a bad self-image that you have (I'm not talking just about body image here), you might just be your own worst critic. DO NOT be hard on yourself. There is no point. You need to realize this is an illness like anything else. When you break your arm or your leg, it takes time to heal, allow yourself time to heal when you are depressed. You are not going to get better overnight.
2) Get OUT! Seriously, if you find yourself lying around the house in your pjs all day, watching television too much, sleeping too much/too little, eating too much/too little, ignoring household chores, you need to get out. Getting out may start to seem like a big task, it may start to seem like you can't or that you just don't want to be around anyone or see anyone. So start SMALL. Start with getting out to pick up a coffee, the newspaper, go get a loaf of bread from the corner store, go to the bookstore, sit in a park by yourself, walk twice around your block. Anything, just get out - especially if you really don't want to.
3) Call someone that cares about you just to say hi. Or to rephrase, call someone who you know cared about you at some point (though you aren't sure if they still do). Sometimes in a depression people tend to block off others from their life. It starts by avoiding calls, by not returning calls, basically by isolating yourself from social events/interactions. The funny thing is, this is a very vicious cycle. You start believing no one cares about you, when in fact you've facilitated their 'neglect' of you. So call someone that you know cares for you, even if they aren't your bestest friend, even if they don't 'get' you. Just call them. It really helps. And don't play the 'oh it's a sign game' if they don't answer the phone. There are no signs - just like when you aren't depressed and you get a busy tone/no answer - it's the same thing when you are depressed.
4) Set small achievable goals. When I was depressed, I spent most of my time wallowing in the worst self-pity imaginable. I'm talking 18 hours of sleep a day. It was really sad! I learned to set small goals for myself. I'm not even talking about finishing an essay/writing a chapter of a book/making a 7 course meal.
When I say small goals, I mean getting that load of laundry done, cleaning the mess off your desk, opening and eating a can of a soup, washing the dishes in the sink, scrubbing your toilet, going grocery shopping for that can of soup. Once you start developing a pattern you should be able to finish that essay, write that book and making a 7 course meal for the friends you stopped calling.
5) Establish a semblance of a routine. Maybe you are working full-time/part-time - but what are you doing with the hours that you aren't working? Are you doing some of those things I mentioned in #2? When you get home from work, start making sure that around a certain time you get out, do some household chores, cook yourself a meal and call one of your friends. You need not stick to a defined schedule but try to do as much as you can and give yourself plenty of time to do these things.
6) Let it out! Cry and let it out. You need to. You will feel much better if you do. If you are on the subway, in a park, in a public area - find a public washroom and let it out. Sometimes crying can not be helped. When you are depressed you will feel helpless so it is normal to cry during this time. Let it out!
7) Define what makes you content. This is NOT easy. It took me forever to find out what makes me happy. For most (dare I say all) of us happiness is not 'easy' to get, it's a process - it's not an item or object that makes us happy. For me it was knowing I could do a job well. That takes time and also requires drawing motivation to accomplish it. Think about what has made you happy in the past, define those moments that made you the happiest and figure out why you were happy when you did them. Was it a particular activity that made you feel that way? Do you think you could try that again? Is there anything in particular that is stopping you from participating in this? Can you try it again? Do you have anything to lose if you did?
8) Volunteer. I can honestly say that volunteering nearly saved my life. It's not that you just go out and spend 3 hours a week doing something. You have to find something that you like. Most organizations will evaluate your skills based on your past work/volunteer experiences. Chances are if you have done certain things in the past that you liked doing those things/that you are good at them. There are a wide variety of organizations you can volunteer for. It's seriously the best thing I did when I was depressed. I got to make new friends, met like-minded people, got to go out, did something that satisfied me, made some kind of change - it's especially such a damn feministerly thing to do too!!!
Again this is just from my experience, I don't think this can apply to everyone, each person who undergoes depression is facing a unique experience. I know many of my friends who were new immigrants had a very difficult time adjusting to Canada - and in this case I recommended them to see someone about it. If you feel suicidal, or have recurring thoughts about suicide you do need to see someone.
Rest assured, if you have faced a terribly bad depression and feel much better after some time - the next time you are depressed it may just be that the worst has already passed. I haven't been as depressed since that time. I do occasionally get 'down' but that's 'normal' I guess.
Also, I will post about how to get over a 'feminist/leftist' headache sometime in the near future. :)
Update: From Jen's Friends LJ (Feb 20/07) regarding this entry: "I'm pretty sure it's talking about situational depression as opposed to clinical depression.... But situational depression (which was what mine was) is entirely different than clinical depression, and I'm not sure everyone understands the difference. Clinical depression isn't just being down or sad or even depressed for a while - it's a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes it extremely difficult to see the world through anything but mud-coloured glasses. Or so's my understanding.
[ETA: Asked someone. Got this: Situational can still involve a chemical imbalance. a trauma can throw it out of whack for a while. Antidepressants would help but it would probably correct itself eventually on its own. So's my understanding anyway.]"
Thank you for that clarification - I appreciate it, I did not know the difference.
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15 comments:
small goals - oh yes!!! and swimming - i think there is something about the act of more energetic breathing - quite apart from the serotonin from exercise - which energises the whole body. singing swimming and yoga, i reckon.
Based on my personal experience (though I usually don't dare to aknowledge that I may have been through depressive phases), this sounds very true.
Your description matches the way it was for me, and the advice (some of which I found by myself, but I'd have been glad to have someone tell me as clearly) is all quite reasonable and "applicable", though there is sometimes a financial obstacle that impedes the efficiency of the "cure".
Great post, thank you for publishing it.
Richard - yes, I think exercise is definitely one way of dealing with it. I have been experiencing chronic pain for the last few weeks - due to an accident and I can tell you, I have felt down because of it.
Jimmy, I thought about this post quite a lot after I posted it. It's definitely a very 'middle-class' approach to depression. It's not a particularly feminist approach either. If of course if your depression is brought on by an abusive situation, migration problems, financial issues - then this advice falls flat, because often these issues are ones that are out of our direct control. A very good friend of mine was facing a very severe depression due to his migrating to Canada, and it was very difficult for me to empathize with him - my advice was also barely useful - all i could do was offer an ear to him while he adjusted. Finances were a big concern for him as well.
My experience with depression has been pretty much a general feeling. Not necessarily brought on by one particular thing - mostly because of general expectations by others of me, and me of myself.
I also differentiate between times when I am down because of being part of 'the machine' (because of something I've watched, read, learned about) and when I am down because of my worrying about not meeting self-imposed expectations.
For the record, according to the economic definition of "classe moyenne" here in France, there is no doubt that I am below middle class. However, I have taken the habit to adjust what I read to my own situation and to leave aside the parts that "I can't afford". Economic situation (coupled in your friend and my parents' case, with emigration issues) can be an important factor in depression, but it doesn't change the fact that the "general feeling" which you describe is similar. That's why I can still strongly relate. Additionally, it is visible that you are aware of those differences.
An older family member who lived in a female student's hostel in the late Sixties told me how she and the other girls (some still in high school) were outraged when a psychologist came to lecture them about how they shouldn't hesitate to bring their boyfriends to their rooms to "experiment", completely disregarding the fact that this was strictly forbidden by the establishment's rules, and that a student doing that could be fired immediatly. Those girls and women wanted to be able to have a sexual life (they were not the "prudes" that woman was mocking), but they were insulted that the conditions that made it impossible were so easily overlooked in the name of "liberation" and "fun".
I didn't sense any such "blindness" in your post.
Thank you Jimmy for your reassurance. I was skeptical of my very de-politicized post myself, to be honest.
I also wanted to comment on the medicalization of women angle. I find that many women especially suffer from depression due to their lower status in society and 'things that they can not control' (as I mentioned earlier). This coupled with seeing ignorant psychologists results in the oversubscription of 'medicine' to women.
BUT coming from a south asian background offers me a different insight into this problem. I acknowledge the above, but the stigmatization of psychiatric problems is a major problem in my community.
And that is why I am divided on this issue. The mere mention of 'depression' can be 'harmful' to one's reputation in my community. Obviously things are changing - but very slowly.
At the end of the day it is important to realize there are many progressive and feminist mental health professionals as well. To summarize women need to be able to access 'feminist' therapy and counselling services. I do believe in the importance of addressing mental health issues - though I acknowledge the abuses of 'medicalization'. This was regrettably not mentioned in my earlier post.
off-thread but AD I'm sorry you ain't gonna work on violet's farm no more - i understand (paul's comments are pretty weird and some i don't see how they can be 'funny'), but it's a site i've enjoyed jousting on and reading. it's certainly taught me about north american liberals and i just love violet. hope you'll pop back to mine (sorry that sounded like a particularly sleazy pick-up line - yuk!) and I'll be keeping up to date here anyway. i like karela too. can't think of anything else it tastes like.
Thank you for this post, I really needed to read it. Now I feel less alone with my problems.
Rebecca, I hope you will return to better days soon. I can relate to this painful experience - and I hope that the problems in your life become more manageable.
Richard - so you are SW! Ahah. I will check in on your site - be prepared for long-winding posts though, especially if it concerns karela LOL!!!!
I like Violet a lot, but I think the poltergeist gets away with too much. He should really read the article I linked on RL. He's not funny.
Hi AD this is such an important topic that needs to be brought out and discussed much more openly. There is still a stigmatisation regarding mental health issues and I know of several people who have requested for diagnosis such as ‘depression’ not to be used on ‘sick notes’ for fear of being judged somehow by other health professionals and employers etc.
I liked your common sense reminders of simple activities and goals that we need to hold onto sometimes just to keep a float. My bouts of depression have usually preceded some thing in my life that I needed to change, so for me it is also helfull to ask myself “what needs to change here, how can I do it and what will it look like if I succeed”
ah the penny drops...yes sometimes when i post it logs me in as sw (an identity i took entirely at random and is really suiting me) and sometimes rc - but not sure why it's always been rc over at violet's - i do love her, very fair, very well-informed and gives everyone a fair crack. paul can be a troubling read - i find it difficult from tone to spot when he's allegedly parodying unpleasant opinions and when it simply looks like he believes them. what is interesting is the number of times online people have attacked someone for what they think they said and when you check it often isn't remotely close. there was one thread at reclusive leftist where vi was getting stick for being racist and simply (imo) on the basis of what the accuser decided she had said - even tho she quoted and explained it several times and it wasn't that abstruse. happened to me there too - not re racism but something else (can't even remember what - probably sexism); wasn't even me trying to be funny!
hey ho.
nothing much happens at my blogspot blog any more - i check occasionally for comments inmoderation but i think i prefer the wordpress features and do all my posting there.
i am pathetically happy because i have had simultaneously my greatest no of page views in one day (71 currently) and my third consecutive 50+ page view day.
sad pales into insignificance...
take care
yr simply wondering chum
also like Kerala
I can attest to the volunteering. When I was married I almost became a zombie. I had just checked out on life.
I had friends who tried for four years to get me to join a women's volunteer organization.
I finally did it to shut them up, and it was the best thing I ever did. It opened my eyes to the needs of those around me, gave me my own circle of friends and acquaintances, and allowed me to use my talents that had been squashed.
I became my own person. It was quite liberating.
Congratulation for your excellent advice. You might be interested by the article entitled '3 leçons de vie' (text in English - don't worry) in my blog
clindoeilannette.blogspot.com
Such as you, I consider myself a feminist.
Bonjour Colette!
I wish I could try my hand at French, but it's really atrocious - I can 'just' get by on it when I speak. I keep promising myself to return to it.
Thank you for linking here, I am reading your post now.
There are many feminists on the internet!
PS - Glad to meet another Canadian here!
I'm sorry - How Rude! Annette! not Colette!
actually, you can use those same steps for clinical depression. i myself suffer from clinical depression, and at times even what i have heard called double depression. although, clinical depression is different in the sense that it may have no real cause; there is a lack of serotonin for both types of depression. i find meditation very helpful, but really anything that you enjoy doing that gets you up and moving should help at least somewhat. lying around all day seems to just feed into the depression making it even worse. double depression is a whole other matter, and unless the sufferer has learned to cope with these feelings through much soul searching and deep inner strength professional help should definetly be sought.
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